a letter to crazy Heidi from (the not often heard from) normal Heidi

dear crazy bitch,

here we are again. I mean, of course technically we’ve never been in this exact situation before, but here we are where sane people aren’t.

you laugh. but would it be too much to ask that we act like a normal person and hit up a HoJo’s instead of finding ourselves in the dark at 6pm on top of a mountain where the wind is gusting at 40 mph (and sounds like a frickin’ train btw) and the forecast calls for an 80% chance of freezing rain tonight (yes I know our mother said 30% but the ranger said 80%) and all we have is a truck that has been known to leak in the rain as protection??

would it kill you to get a job? grow out your hair like Colleen’s? meet some rich guy and quit doing all this shit? shouldn’t we be showing up for our reservation at a restaurant in Manhattan right about now? and for chrissakes, why is our nail polish chipped?

I hate you.

love always and forever,
normal Heidi

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